Maggie's church doodles. Just a donut holding up a stop sign. 
Nothing to see here, move along.

Ike gets up on the pulpit after church and says 'I'm gonna give a speech! Freedom for everyone! EVEN THE WOMEN!!'

Um....

Maggie: Ike! You're so mean to Bethie! You scream at her and stuff! ALL the time!

Eva: Guess it runs in the family.

Getting Into the car for church:
Me: Ike! You can't wear that! You wore those clothes yesterday and they're completely covered in food & dirt!
Ike: so what's wrong with that?

When walking to school:
Eva: Ike, is Camryn still your giirlfriiiend?
Ike: No! We're just friends! Anyway, she and Pierre were meant to be. Not me. Plus, I'm too cool for her. And weird.

#toughlove

From the time I first found out I was pregnant with Shep, I knew two things: that he was a boy, and that the Lord was calling him to something special for his Kingdom. The verse we printed on his birth announcement and had read at his baptism was I Samuel 1:27-28:

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord answered my prayer. He gave me this child. And now I give this child to the Lord. He will serve the Lord all his life.”

Verse 27 is lovely and sweet. Verse 28 has always scared the heck out of me. Giving your child to the Lord can mean anything. For Hannah, it meant sending her only son away when he was three. It's a dangerous prayer.

Lately, Shep has been asking hard, hard questions about his faith, and about the Jesus he has always loved, and the bible we have always poured into him. And he's been struggling with doubt. And he's gotten some ideas that maybe Christianity is silly and foolish contradicts science and reason. WhileWalker has said over and over that these questions are not only normal, but good, it's not normal or good to me - I have the gift of faith, a rare gift I realize, but one that means I have never, ever seriously doubted. So Shep's questions have made me very nervous, because my greatest fear is that one of my five children not know the Lord.

So a few months ago when I heard that apologist John Lennox was coming to speak at UT, I asked Shep if he wanted to go, and he said yes. I wasn't sure if he would like it, if it would be over his head, if he would be bored.

Hearing Lennox, professor of math at Oxford University, brilliant, winsome, yet so intimidating an apologist for the faith that the atheist physicist who was due to debate him flaked at the last minute, ignited my son in a way that I've never seen. And Shep begins to say things like "I want to be a bass playing apologist now."

Then after the talk, we ran into Andrew Coleman, and old, very dear friend of mine and Walker's, who is also one of the most brilliant people I know, who translated space manuals into Russian for NASA, and who is also such a winsome apologist for the faith. Who needed a place to sleep sometimes when he came up to Ratio Christi at Univ. of Texas Austin meetings. So last night Andy stayed with us and kept Shep up way past bedtime discussing why astronomy and physics and science and the bible are completely compatible. And Shep was elated and encouraged in his faith.

And I went to bed remembering that I gave my son to the Lord. And that the Lord is in charge of his destiny. And that the Lord knows the plans he has for Shepherd and knows exactly how he intends to accomplish them and is the author and perfecter of his faith and his sanctification, just like he told me 13 years ago when I felt him kick within me, just like he knew about 20 years ago when I first met Andy at Metro Bible Study in Houston.

And I'm so thankful for the encouragement that our sweet, sweet God sent to this momma's heart.

Ike's Ipad and my phone share the same brain. I'm sure I could fix this, but I kinda like it. He regularly changes the name Siri calls him.

Which can cause strange things to occur. Like, at church, in the middle of a poignant sermon by our pastor Tim, Siri will loudly comment, "I'm not sure I understand, Booby Face."

Stuff like that.

Ike's Ipad and my phone share the same brain. I'm sure I could fix this, but I kinda like it. He regularly changes the name Siri calls him.

Which can cause strange things to occur. Like, at church, in the middle of a poignant sermon by Tim Frickenschmidt, Siri will loudly comment, "I'm not sure I understand, Booby Face."

Stuff like that.

Eva: once I stole a bracelet from the lost & found at church, and you found it, and you made me bring it back and talk to the pastor about it. 
Me: and you never stole again, did you?
Eva: Nope. At least, not from church.

(Bethie sneezes)
Bethie: Bless me.

Driving to school:

Eva: Hey Ike, how is your relationship going with Camryn? (Ike's 2nd grade crush.)

Ike: It's complicated.

-

I've started asking Shep to write mini essays regarding his various infractions...basically to give him an opportunity to reflect on "Why Not Coming Home For Dinner On Time Is Bogus".  Here's his response.   Like the smart ass line about how if he's not at dinner it's "ridiculously boring" and he is there to "lighten it up". 

 Maggie today:

You know why you can never trust an atom? 

Cause they make up everything.

 

Ike wanting to buy an app on his iPad: It's only .99  cents.
Me: Then give me a dollar, and I'll buy it for you.
He hands me one.
Me: Where'd you get this?
Ike: From your purse.

Me: Where's the motna?

Bee: In your butt? (tries to lift up my bottom)

Recent Maggisms:
Has anyone ever died of puberty?

When discussing Tim Gunn:
Me: He actually tried to kill himself in high school.
Maggie: Why? Was he goth and depressed?

The note Maggie is receiving tonight, after losing three teeth in one week:

Dearest Maggie,
 
I am so very sorry for not retrieving your tooth (or should I say teeth!) sooner. I would’ve been here right away if it weren’t for the very fact that in Fairyland, everyone had been superbly busy lately. I believe it’s all the children around your age. Their teeth seem to fall out of their mouths like raindrops fall out of the sky! Because of this very unusual dilemma, the Fairy Queen has decreed that all fairies shall retrieve the teeth when at least three of them have already come out of the same child’s mouth, but as you can see that doesn’t help the issue much.

I must tell you some splendid news! I am to be married! Yes, Jack and I are very excited. I do believe that Jack is your dear brother Ike’s tooth fairy! He speaks very pleasantly of him, but he waits for him to lose more teeth.
 
Well anyway, Jack and I are to be married by December. I do not wish for it to happen in the winter months for in the winter we fairies have to wear protective coverings over our wings. I must say that is not very attractive – or comfortable – in my opinion. I will discuss with Jack whether or not we can arrange the celebration earlier, like maybe in November, or even perhaps October. Well, actually October wouldn’t be good. I won’t have enough time to plan…
 
I am so sorry! I got off track! I have a tremendous problem with that. To get back on schedule, I must say that I cannot write anymore. I have 156 other children tonight! I fear I will not be ready by morning. Ciao!

Sincerely,

Calista Meriwether Flyingfeather VI

Father's Day

I have decided I'm no longer doing Shep or Eva's laundry and this is the summer for them to learn how to do it themselves.

Eva finally did a load this week. Shep is on week 4.

'You're not gonna break me,' he swears.

Watch for UNBROKEN 2: THE STORY OF A PUTRID 11 YEAR OLD in theaters soon.

Walker was out, maggie couldn't sleep, so she crawled in bed with me as I watched The Family Stone, which is not appropriate. At one point we broke for the kitchen to get cheese. 'This cheese is good' I said. 'ALL cheese is good' she answered and we fistbumped.

I'm starting to see that the endless nights of vomit & teething & night terrors are redeemed when they turn about 9. It's still hard. Hormones loom on the horizon and they can make teething look like babyplay. But then there are the moments when your kid shares your love for stinky cheese and laughs at appropriate times in grownup movies and you go, oh yeah....this is why we had you. Cause you're so cool, and I so love hanging out with you, in bed, watching movies and eating cheese.

A few years ago I wrote Missy Hooks Dollahon some haiku poetry.

I do that from time to time.  LIKE A BOSS.

Beauty atop bed

Chestnut hair, legs akimbo

Cocooned, warm, at peace



Fingers point, rushing

To the car, children stalling

Pod cast ready, wheels screech



Sly smile, lips are pursed

Fragrant spinning, donning jewels

Shoes lost in a pile



Fingers dance, wine ready

Words leap, brow is furrowing

Thoughts bolt through the web

'Ike, if you don't let your lizards go, I think they're going to die soon.'

'Yeah, but Jack & Nate and I decided that when they die we can, you know, learn more about 'em.'

Future surgeons or future psychopaths? Only time will tell...

Me: "How did this beautiful Ethiopian girl end up here in my arms?"
Bee: "Jesus."

We watched The Bible with the the 3 oldest a couple nights ago. Maggie's questions "How could dey film them when cameras hadn't been inbented yet?" were much, much easier than Eva Rose's "But I don't get it! How could Abraham have a baby with Hagar when he was married to Sarah? How? Tell me now! I need to know!"

It's time for The Talk. Lord help.

Maggie and I, talking after some kids had gone to her room and made a huge mess:

Me: This is why we discipline you, when you think we're just being mean, it's because we love you and we don't want you to grow up to be a brat.

Maggie: You don't want me to be a lonely old cat lady.

Then she asked if we could pray for those kids and their parents.

Shep: For the first time in forever, they'll be music, they'll be light. For the first time in forever...
Maggie: I can poooop alllll night

Ike just informed me that his name is Mr. WeinerButt ToothFart. You can call him that, or, you can call him Ike, he's okay with either one.

I told Ike something and he said, "Okay, I will tell that to my brain and it will remind me. My brain tells me things. Like watch: what's 2+2, brain? Four! What's 8+8, brain? Sixteen! See, it just told me that!"

About once a week or so I engage in a fantasy of throwing myself on the ground and thrashing and screaming at the top of my lungs

JUST! GET! YOUR! FREAKING! SHOES! ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but I restrain myself.

So far.

Because Frieda Pitts Hooks
broke her back recently, our Thanksgiving was cooked by Luby's this year. My mom ordered a roast, a ham, and a turkey for the week. And for the first time in my 40-something years, I was responsible for cooking thanksgiving, as in, taking the food out the containers & heating it. Easy, right?

I got two meats out and put them in the oven to heat up for 2 hours.

The beef, and the ham.

So for the first time in the history of ever, we had no turkey this Thanksgiving.‪#‎momfail‬

Maggie, frustrated with her math homework:

I'm in the Capital of Terribleland!!!

 Day 2 of Ten Commandments Bible Study with the Dollahon Kids:

Discussion of covenants will lead to discussion of circumcision which will lead to loud grimaces from daughters and enthusiastic visual aids from Ike.

Tonight when discussing the ten commandments with the kids:

Me: "We don't build golden calves anymore, but people make idols of lots of other things today. Can you think of some things that people love more than God?"

Eva: "MONEY!"
Shep: (whispers) "Women."
Maggie: "Being a princess. Some people will do anything in the world to be a princess."

Walker  to Shep this morning, headed to All Saints for the first time: 'you're gonna wanna brush your hair and brush your teeth, cause there's gonna be some fly reformed girls there.'

Shep is running for Vice President of student council. His speech is Wednesday which sadly I will miss since I'll be in Houston. But we worked on it tonight. He said, "I should be Vice President because I’m focused, hard working, and a good listener."
I scoffed.
To which he replied, "I didn't say I was honest."

Perhaps he *does* have a future in politics.

When I was pregnant with Shepherd, my precious friends Carol Kahil Krippel, Tracy Jo Snow Allan, Holly Witter Knott, Jolie Taylor Fletcher, Shanna Finucane and Shelly Reper Slovak threw me a baby shower.

I wore leopard print maternity pants.
{pause for effect}

The very best part was at the end when everyone held hands and prayed for our sweet unborn baby. I sobbed like a newborn at 3am.

When it was Joanna Byrd's turn to pray, she prayed that when this baby sinned, he would be quickly caught.

Jo's lips to God's ears.

Baby been sinning. Baby been gettin caught.

It appears he did not inherit his momma's sneaky gene. Praise God and thank you Joanna.

After we make it through this season of puberty, I'm gonna write a memoir and title it "Zits and Fits."

Cause every time I see a zit, I know a tantrum will soon follow.

Maggie: Mom, what kind of homework did you have when you were little?
Me: Lots of spelling, and we had math. We had big heavy math books.
Maggie: (very concerned) That's just sad!!!! (as she does her math homework on the laptop)

'God is just like cheesecake. He's delicious and everyone wants to eat him.'

Guess which Dollahon said that.

Bethie is talking more and more. Two of her favorite new sentences:

"I wan Momma buy me dat!"
and
"{insert sibling name} bein mean-a-me!"

Maggie: Doc McStuffins is just like Jesus - she never sins, on all the shows.

Ike: How old is God & Jesus?
Me: older than anything ever.
Ike: like eighty sixty-three?
Me: bout that.

Winston to Walker: 'You have the hands of a homoerotic Belgian poet.'

Apple --> Tree

If I had a nickel for every time this summer I've had to say 'No, Maggie, McDonalds does NOT serve horse meat!'

Big brothers = cruel

'Some people text even when they are standing right next to each other. I think they're called introverts.' - Maggie

Ten things I am glad Missy didn't know about me before she agreed to marry me... 1) I've never had a sentimental attachment to an animal, 2) I hate popcorn...the taste of it, the smell of it..., 3) I love using ellipses when writing, 4) I am not handy...in fact I'll make it worse, 5) if left alone I'd never change my clothes all day no matter what I'm doing, 6) I hate talking on the phone (and talking in bed...Missy gets chatty at bedtime...come to think of it, Missy is always chatty), 7) I enjoy cigarettes, 8) I am a huge skeptic of all new, faddish science and dietary "breakthroughs", 9) I'm bad a finishing lists...