Mags

Why do they want us to marry Christmas?

Shep (on writing) have you ever done suppository text?

Ike just called 911, for kicks. But seriously, y'all, I went 10 years of parenting before a kid of mine called 911. That's pretty special, huh?

I take mommy props wherever I can get them.

Farts are a result of the Fall, cause as soon as Adam & Eva farted, people smelled it & fell down. 

Mary had a little fart, little fart, little fart, Mary had a little fart, she held it in all day....

Maggie. Of course.

After eating four bowls of Chicken and Lime soup:

 "Mom, I just barfed the soup from dinner up in my mouth a little bit just now. And when I swallowed it back down, it still tasted so good."

Maggie and Ike have this tendency to say, "I love you more than Satan!" and I'm like, um, thanks, I guess - ??

I wish when Eva Rose was the HARDEST TWO YEAR OLD I HAD EVER ENCOUNTERED EVER that someone would have told me seven years later she would be in my kitchen making mac and cheese and salad for the family while I sat on my butt looking at facebook. That would have made it sting a little less.

Me: It's true, you have not been managing your emotions well lately.
Shep: WHAT?! YES I HAVE!! {stomps off to room}