Our room gets really stuffy at night.
Maggie is watching some YouTube crap in the family room so I said, when you go to bed could you open our door?

She replied, “I’ll open your chest & rip out your entrails”

I only dreamed parenting could be like this. 

Maggie, talking about babies coming:

"...when the seagull drops the baby through the chimney."

Eva: Seagull?

Maggie: Wait. Not seagull. Pelican! When the pelican drops the baby through the chimney."

Mom, why do people get post-mortem depression?
-- Maggie

The Lazy Poem

October 2014

The Lazy Poem

Aka, the Maggie Poem 

By Evangeline Dollahon, age 10

(written on a napkin, just like the Gettysburg Address)

My butt sinks deeper into the couch

The tv is blaring, I tend to slouch

Popcorn kernels litter the floor,

Don't feel like getting up to get any more

Soda cans towering 

People are cowering 

They call it crazy

I call it lazy.

 Maggie: my toe is bweeding! it's hurting! me: why? 

Maggie: because I bit it! 

Um. Well then.

2010

"Wh I grow up, I'm gonna be the mom who pins lots of things on her Pinterest board to do with the kids ... and then never actually does them." - Maggie

The nut doesn't fall far from the tree.

Watching Dead Ringer with Bette Davis
Me: I hate it when I kill my twin and assume her identity and then it turns out she had murdered her husband and then I get the death penalty....
Maggie: Everyday struggles. 

Eva: I spy with my little eye... something black.
Maggie: That chair?
Eva: Nope
Maggie: That shoe?
Eva: No.
Maggie: Your soul?

 Maggie today:

You know why you can never trust an atom? 

Cause they make up everything.

Recent Maggisms:
Has anyone ever died of puberty?

When discussing Tim Gunn:
Me: He actually tried to kill himself in high school.
Maggie: Why? Was he goth and depressed?

We watched The Bible with the the 3 oldest a couple nights ago. Maggie's questions "How could dey film them when cameras hadn't been inbented yet?" were much, much easier than Eva Rose's "But I don't get it! How could Abraham have a baby with Hagar when he was married to Sarah? How? Tell me now! I need to know!"

It's time for The Talk. Lord help.

Maggie and I, talking after some kids had gone to her room and made a huge mess:

Me: This is why we discipline you, when you think we're just being mean, it's because we love you and we don't want you to grow up to be a brat.

Maggie: You don't want me to be a lonely old cat lady.

Then she asked if we could pray for those kids and their parents.

Shep: For the first time in forever, they'll be music, they'll be light. For the first time in forever...
Maggie: I can poooop alllll night

Maggie, frustrated with her math homework:

I'm in the Capital of Terribleland!!!

Maggie: Mom, what kind of homework did you have when you were little?
Me: Lots of spelling, and we had math. We had big heavy math books.
Maggie: (very concerned) That's just sad!!!! (as she does her math homework on the laptop)

Maggie: Doc McStuffins is just like Jesus - she never sins, on all the shows.

If I had a nickel for every time this summer I've had to say 'No, Maggie, McDonalds does NOT serve horse meat!'

Big brothers = cruel

'Some people text even when they are standing right next to each other. I think they're called introverts.' - Maggie

 Today they were here swimming and Maggie said 'I think Danny Davis is in love with me. Must be my new hair cut.' Shoulder flip, shoulder flip.