Eva Rose: Who made the first stickers?
Shep: It was some Pilgrims. They took a picture and put this tree sap on the back of it.

Item	Shep’s estimate	Eva Rose’s estimate
New bicycle	$86	$30
New car	$559	$75
New house	$2,122	$1,000
Daddy’s salary	$1 million	$1,000
Teachers’ salaries	$1,000,036	$300
Bethie’s adoption	$1,000,573	$3,100
Dinner at a restaurant for 6	$42	$25
A new Barbie	$7	$6
Gallon of milk	$1.79	$4

Ruth Reitmeier <ruth_oh@alumni.rice.edu>	11/16/11
to me

All the kids have been very inquisitive lately about the nature of salvation and how God saves us.  I've been trying to explain that it's all God, nothing on our part.  That God does everything because we can do nothing.  That because Christ has done everything, we don't have to do anything.  This morning God gave me a great illustration to use that involved an incident with Ike.  I had a conversation over breakfast with Reece that went like this:

Me: Remember when Ike was here and fell into the pool on accident?

R: Oh yeah!  Hahahahaha.  Mrs. Dollahon totally freaked out and dived in to save him.

Me: Did she wait for Ike to cry out "Come help me!  Save me! I can't swim"?

R: No she just jumped in with her clothes on.

Me: Did she say to Ike: Swim to the edge and I'll pull you out?

R: No she threw off her glasses and dived in.  She dived head first!  She could've cracked her head on the bottom of the pool.

Me: So she didn't say "Hey Ike, grab onto this pole and I'll pull you to safety?"

R: Noooooo! She didn't say anything.  She just jumped in.

Me: That's right.  She jumped in to save Ike even before he realized he was drowning.  What did Jesus do for you?

R: He dived right in to save me before I even called for help.

 

Maggie: mommy, is Jesus a Longhorn?
Me: yes dear.
Maggie: so Satan is an Aggie?
Me: oh yes dear.

 

Eva Rose, 33 months old

I just found this picture that she drew on June 11, 2007.

She dictated a story to me to go along with it:

He's a bad boy. His name is Bad.
He's gonna hurt the bad boys.
He's bad cause he don't obey God.

Ike just yelled at Shep to give him something, and he answered, "Not with that attitude." Hm, wonder where he learned that.

QUIZ: One of the Dollahon children just decided that it made perfect sense to pee AND poop - like, a lot of poop - in a box in the garage. Which one?

Eva Rose doing the catechism with Maggie:
ER: 23. What covenant did God make with Adam?
Maggie: ummmmmm
ER: It's something that you do NOT like to do.


Answer: The covenant of works.

Mags:

Sometimes, when I drink water, I imagine all the germs in my tummy goin surfin in the water, and they're swimmin in the water, and the momma germs are puttin suntan lotion on the baby germs....

Rainbows are spicy, cause stripes are spicy.

I had no idea that being a mother would involve me saying things like "We do NOT wipe our poop on the carpet!!"

Picking up Ike from prek. 
Did you have a good day?
 'Yes.' 
what'd you do?
 'Get in twouble.'

Ike: GG bought the beach house dis truck
Me: GG bought you that truck when we were at the beach house?
Ike: Yes.
Me: GG loves you so much,
Ike: Yes.
Me: You love GG?
Ike: Yes. She take me to school. Safely.

Eva Rose: "What does it mean that God is spirit, Maggie?".
Maggie: "It means He fits in an inbisible box."

Lessons in holiness

 As Eva Rose barks off catechicsm questions to her little sister in the morning (one of their chores) she has all the charm and grace of a German SS field marshall giving a severe tongue lashing to a fresh recuit... "HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A SOUL? MAGGIE?! MAGGIE! IT'Z. BECAUSE. DER. BIBLE. TELLS. US. SO!"

This morning:

Eva Rose: "What does it mean that God is spirit, Maggie?"

Maggie: "It means He fits in an inbisible box."

-WD

Shep to Maggie: "I hope you never get fartable." I don't even know how to reply to this.

At the conclusion of his 3rd VBS of the summer, I ask Ike, "Ike, do you love Jesus?" He answered: "I  don wuv Chesus. I wuv Panda!!"

Sometimes at midnight or 1am or 3am I will wonder, Why am I awake? Then I will hear from upstairs one of my children cry out in fear, and I know why.

Shep: "I have a lot of remembories from when I was a baby."

Starting yesterday, every time that Ike asks for something and I tell him no, he responds with, "GG said yes."

Eva Rose, giggling, just handed me a picture she drew: Deadly Dora holding a knife, stabbing Boots. I was very concerned till she said Shep told her to draw it. Oh, okay then. And that's the difference between boys and girls. Girls do that, you call a psychologist. Boys do that, you just roll your eyes.

Driving to church, we discover our children's political leanings to be clearly defined upon the sight of a homeless man. Eva Rose: "He doesn't look so good. We should give him some of our money." Shep: "He'll just go buy drugs."

Shep in Sunday School

From: Joshua Stone
Date: Sunday, May 29, 2011
Subject: 
To: Mark Johnson , Walker Dollahon
Cc: Sean Dollahon , Phil Taddei , Chad Wilson , Eduardo Cardenas , Lance Orton



To be precise, the question asked by my teaching colleague was "What
are some skills you are learning right now?"

After his classmates said "fractions!" and "cleaning my room!" and
"spanish!" Shep hollered out, fast, almost garbled, "Cleaning my
penis!"

As I said, it took me a moment to process what I'd heard.  But I knew
I heard "penis," so I stood up and said in a pretty regular voice,
"Shep, come with me."

Outside the classroom door:
Josh:  Shep, what did I heard you say just now?
Shep [wearing a faint grin, studying my face]:  Cleaning my penis.
[laughter laughter]
Josh:  Shep, you know you can talk about that with your Mom and Dad,
right?  In your family, yeah?  [nodding his head, grin flashing on and
off] But you can't say it in class like that.  [at this his grin got a
bit more clearly defined.  He relished the thought of his joke,
clearly, so I dropped my hammer, and slightly my tone of voice]  It
was wrong.  I have to tell your Mom and Dad what you've said.
Shep [grin faded out, replaced by fear and faint trembling of voice,
also raised up an octave--like a little boy soprano tremulando]:
Nooo!   Don't tell my parents!  Puhleeeeeze...
Josh:  Yep.
Shep:  [more sadly yet] ...nooooooooo!  Please nooooooo!
Josh:  Don't worry, Shep, its for your good [I actually said that].
Your Daddy loves you, and I know your Daddy and I love him, so I know
he'll want to know about this, because he loves you.  See?  You got
nothing to worry about.  Make sense?
Shep:  [blinks]
Josh:  Ok, good.  Lets go back into class.

We walk back in the room and pass by Hampton Pillsbury.  In my memory,
now, he's leaning back in his chair, with his feet up on the table.
He sticks his hand up to Shep for a high five and says, "Nice one
man!" then jerks his thumb to the marker board, where Jen Needham, the
other teacher, had written "PERSONAL HYGIENE."

I'm feeling a little blue today because we're about to have to start all our paperwork over again as it has expired. I want my daughter. - Facebook 

Maggie made a Mother's Day card at school where she answered some questions for her teacher:

My favorite thing to do with Mom is play on the computer.
I love it when my mom kisses me while I watch TV.
I love my mom because she loves me, my family and God.

If my kids should ever accuse me of not loving them, I shall simply reply, "Whatevs. I drove all over town listening to Veggie Tales cds. If that's not love and sacrifice, I don't know what is."

Maggie: "I have to tee tee so bad my hienie is drowning."

Maggie: "I have to tee tee so bad my heinie is drowning."

Maggie's sweet, innocent voice fills the air, "Tis the season to be naughty, fa la la la la..." Okay, not so innocent.

Should I be concerned that when Ike re-enacted the Japanese tsunami with his toy cars, he did it with an evil, world-domination grin?

Walker bathing the kids tonight.  Eva Rose: "I have all the bubbles to my heart's content."  Maggie: "I have all the bubbles to my butt's content. BAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Shep, yesterday: 'all the kids in my class love Justin Bieber. Only me and one other kid love Prince.' He is the apple of his daddy's eye.

"People who love God go to church. People who don't love God go to Satan's church." So sayeth the Book of Maggie, chapter 1 verse 1.

Shep: "Daddy, will College Station ever be in danger from Al Queda?" #random

Facebook posts:

If there were a World's Best Temper Tantrum Throwing contest, Mags would be taking home some trophys about now. It't the never ending fit fest. Your kid should be jealous of my kid's skilz.

Aaaaaaaand she's out, after 2 hours and 23 minutes of nonstop screaming. Way to go, Maggie!!! Next stop, London, 2012!!!!