Maggie just woke up screaming, "I can't get the snots out of my nooooooose!!" Who said motherhood wasn't glamorous.

From the back of my minivan, Sister Maggie preaches, rather charismatically. "I loooooove God. And Jesus. And dey love me. They looooove Maggie. Cause I love them. And I hate - "second only in fascination to God and Jesus - "SATAN! I hate him! Him a big ole toopid head. He does noooot love me. He's a big meanie. If I ever saw him, I'd do a big stinky gas on him! AHAHAHAHA!!! He gonna go to a river of fire! But I looooove God. And Jesus. Do you know I love Jesus Mommy?"

"I do precious. He loves you too. So much."

"Yeah. He do." She looks out the window and smiles. Perhaps a little smugly.

Then, "Mommy? Do God love Satan?"

(Silence from the front seat. Quizzical looks on Mom's face.)

"Well do he?" 

"You know Maggie, I don't think so. I don't think he does." Quizzical look replaced by surprised look as I discover, yes, I am a five point Calvinist after all.

"Dat's what I say. God do NOT love Satan. But Sissy said that God love Satan, cause God love everybody. But I say, No. Way. God do NOT love Satan. God love me dough. And I loooooooove God. And Jesus. But not Satan."

Later, over Thanksgiving leftovers, her big sister asks, "Mom, does God love Satan?"

This time Mom's ready. "Sweetie, I don't think so. I really don't."

"Yeah, that's what Maggie said. But Jesus told us to love our enemies. And Satan is God's enemy. So shouldn't God love Satan?"

Quizzical look on Mom's face returns. 

Tonite during prayers: "Eva Rose, do you have any sins to confess?" "Nope." "You mean you've been perfect all day?" "Mostly."

Walker's sweet nothings: 'Eight years, baby. If you play your cards right, you might get another eight.'

As part of his WWII obsession, Shepherd just made Hitler's bunker out of Legos. Should I be proud or horrified? Hm.

You know those kids who come from big families and grow up and deliberately only have 1 or 2 kids themselves? Yeah. Raising one of those. Guess which one?

Trying to shove Ike's big ole head through all his tshirts just makes me think ugh {shudder} childbirth {shudder}

Once when Eva Rose was being especially bossy I told her, "You are NOT Maggie's mommy." And she looked at me with complete astonishment and said, "Yes I am!"

Embarrassing

When Shep was only 2 or 3 years year old, we were at Kroger and we turned onto the wine aisle. Suddenly he sang out, LOUDLY, "Wine! I wuv wine! Wed wine, white wine, I love wine!!"

Maggie at dinner tonight: "When Baby Bethie comes, we really need to get rid of Ike."

Maggie: Mommy, when Jesus goes in my heart does he get all bloody?

I just spanked Ike for locking a door (again). Afterwards when I told him not to lock any more doors, he looked at me, stamped his foot, and says, "My. House." Lord help me.

Walker Dollahon added a new p

hoto to the album: New Photos of The Chaos That Is Team Dollahon.

September 4, 2010 · 

Watching UT vs. Rice (Walker's g-dad's alma-mater) with Ike. Guess who they are rootin' for??

Shep: "When I grow up, I wanna be a guy who catches bad guys who pretend to be ghosts." Scooby snack anyone?

Dear Ike, 
This is your naptime. You may use it as you see fit. You may sleep, or you may make a huge mess of your room and bang on the door. Either way, you ain't comin out. 
Love,
Mommy

The other day, Maggie was sitting at the dinner table and when she stood

 up, she started screaming. Turns out her leg had fallen asleep for the 

first time and it FREAKED HER OUT. Would good parents not laugh at that?

 Cause we're not good parents, I wouldn't know. 

Maggie, tonight, after I had put on perfume:

'Mommy, I wuv da way you smell. I wuv da way your arms smell.....but not your bweath."

Today was Maggie's first day of PreK. I have her and Ike stand by the sign for a photo op. Immediately, she starts screaming BLOODY MURDER. She is covered head to toe in fire ants!!! Her shoes, socks, all up her dress, going into her hair! Poor baby girl, we had to strip her down right there in the parking lot. She's over it, I am still shaking a little 

:(

For WEEKS I have been incredibly irritated because all my songs on my iPhone disappeared. And then my laptop broke so I couldn't get into iTunes. Couldn't find them. Ike picks up my iPhone, starts pushing some buttons, and voila. My songs are back. He's obviously a genius.

Um. Well then.

Maggie: my toe is bweeding! it's hurting!

me: why?

Maggie: because I bit it!

Maggie did not do her chores. So Maggie is sobbing on the couch while her brother and sister go swimming with Daddy. And Mommy is so sad for her she cried a little too. :(

At 3, Ike has decided that his body no longer needs any sleep. This is a decision that his father and I do not condone. While we will always love him, we cannot support him in his current destructive lifestyle. We appreciate your prayers during this very difficult time. Meals will also be accepted.

GG:  Maggie how did you get so cute?  ( She was dress in her usual regalia)

Mags: God made me that way.

Book 3, TV 1

Book 2; TV 1; Dog 1

TV: 4; Book: 0

Checkmate.

Book 3.

Sick Maggie

Shep: "mom, can I sticky middle finger up at Satan?"

Oh good grief! NO!!

Tough questions

Eva Rose: "Were angels ever babies?"

I told her no, God created them grownups. She refused to believe me.

The other day I asked Maggie, "How'd you get so pretty?"

"Easy" she answered.

Walker and I just had a long, thought provoking, humbling and somewhat painful conversation. We were trying to recall the last time our children had a bath.

Shep just asked me to count his money: $3.97. Then he said, "You want it? Will that be enough to buy the baby?" At which point I tried really hard not to sob and snot all over him.

Missy Hooks Dollahon

May 3, 2010 at 5:37pm · 

Maggie's 2s were not very terrible. Her 3s, not so
bad. How are her 4s, you ask? OH. MY. WORD. The girl has discovered her sin nature and is NOT afraid to use it.

Ike just washed his hands in the toilet. Which was full of pee. But he used soap, so is it okay?

Ikey likes to play a game with me every morning. After I change his diaper and get him dressed, he pushes me over as he falls on top of me. And the boy pushes HARD. I can barely resist him. Then he says, "Sit up!" and wants me to do it over and over. I call them my Ikey Crunches. And they remind me why 20 year olds are supposed to be the ones having children.

Today Shep handed me a dollar and a quarter. "Here. It's my tooth fairy money. It's for the adoption."

Maggie describes her daddy:

"I call him handsome, and I love him, and I never call him stoopid."

Today when a car in front of us was moving too slowly Eva Rose yelled out, "Blow your honk!".

Eva Rose came in early this morning wanting me to pull her tooth. I used the thin material of a pillow case to grab the slippery tooth and yanked it out with one quick movement. The tooth shot out from my grip and fell to the floor. Eva Rose, her fave aglow and expectant, and her mouth bleeding quite profusely, fell to her knees and pawed for the tooth. Once she found it, she bounded down the stairs to show her mom. This was her first baby tooth lost.

-Walker

She's lying asleep on our bed, the only place where she still looks small. I gaze at her face and think about how much she looks like she did when she was a baby. Same rosebud lips. Same birthmark on her right cheek that I love to kiss, that she is starting to hate, like I knew she one day would.

Her dangly star earrings hang from her earlobes. Her toes poke out of her too small footie pyjamas. She wants so much to be a big girl, and she wants so much to hold on to her babyhood.

She's five.

I rub her back and stroke her hair off her face, the light brown hair that will be perfectly highlighted in just a couple of months. I used to have hair that color. She rolls and her face is now toward me. I count the freckles on the bridge of her nose. Oh, dear God, she is so beautiful.

She's five.

It's been a tumultuous five years, for the two of us. She wasn't the easiest child. I wasn't the easiest mother. So many tears between us. But oh, how I delight in her.

We've grown together, emotionally and spiritually, my daughter and I. And now there is a bond between us that is soulful and fierce.

I gather her into my arms and carry her, even though I know it will hurt my back to do so. Her body melds into mine like it did when she was in the secret place. We ascend the stairs together.

She's five.

And oh, how I love her.

Good question

Tonight at bedtime I told Shep the story of Elijah and the widow. Of course I acted out the part about bringing her son back to life.

He asked what widows were, and I explained it to him, and said that the bible says we are to protect the widows and the orphans.

Shep's response: why didn't Elijah just marry the widow?

"Mommy, Sissy's tattling on meeeeee!" Ah, the sweet, heartwarming irony of a whiney child.

Evidently the Smartass Fairy came in my home last night and waved her evil little wand over all my children.

Azaleas are blooming all over Houston, which causes Eva Rose to say, "Look at all the Isaiahs!"

Deep Spiritual Thoughts of Children.

Walker: Guys, today we are celebrating that Jesus Christ was killed for the sins of the world as the perfect sacrifice, then rose again so that there is life everlasting for those who believe that he is Lord!!

Shepherd: So does that mean the Easter Bunny comes again tonight??

Tonight at dinner, Eva Rose said she only wanted 1 or 2 kids when she grew up.

Why?

"I don't want to be a big worker."

Oh, I gotcha. Good plan.

Niiiiiice.

Me: "Maggie, if you had a baby, what would you name it?"

Maggie: "Satan."

Me: "Maggie, if you had a baby, what would you name it?" Maggie: "Satan."  Niiiiiiiiice.

My kids have played with a Costco pack of toilet paper rolls ALL MORNING. Forts, snowballs, bowling. Seriously, why do I even buy toys??

Sisters

twins

Maggie is the most polite little girl I have ever known. She never fails to say "thank you" and "you're welcome."

When we were driving up to Dallas, she loved watching the movie on the DVD player in the car. At one point I sneezed very loudly. Maggie said, "Bwess you Mommy. And be qwiet."

Vocab

All created by Shep unless otherwise noted

motna catrol: remote control
flappy Jones: sloppy Joes
eat house: restaurant
pandaboo: bamboo

I just know things

Tonight at dinner Shep asked about wrestling. He asked if it were a game. I said, "It's not really a game, it's" and then Eva Rose said, "it's a sport."

I said, "How do you know that Eva Rose?" and she said, "I just know things."

Today Shep and Ike were really wrestling and cracking each other up. Walker and Sean STILL do this. I love having brothers in my house.

Shep to Maggie at dinner: "Sorry Maggie, but we can't adopt a mermaid."

Maggie said, "You're fat Mommy." Then Eva Rose said, "But you're fashionably fat." I don't even know what to say to that.

supermodels

Eva Rose has an amazing fashion sense. I love seeing the outfits she comes up with.

Eva Eva Fashionista

They love to sip hot chocolate by the fireplace.

just uttered by Shep, "When I grow up I'm gonna be the first person to go to Pluto." He will pack guns and pizza.

 just uttered by Shep, "When I grow up I'm gonna be the first person to go to Pluto." He will pack guns and pizza.

just uttered by Shep, "When I grow up I'm gonna be the first person to go to Pluto." He will pack guns and pizza.