Bethie’s Tooth Fairy 🧚‍♀️ is the absolute worst. She always has excuses for why she forgets to bring her her rightful pay. The big sisters channel the fairy to write the pitiful apology notes. Past excuses include: on her honeymoon; got Covid; attacked by the cats, etc etc. B is back owed for 3 teeth, one from a whole month ago. I guess it’s understandable.

The Lazy Poem

October 2014

The Lazy Poem

Aka, the Maggie Poem 

By Evangeline Dollahon, age 10

(written on a napkin, just like the Gettysburg Address)

My butt sinks deeper into the couch

The tv is blaring, I tend to slouch

Popcorn kernels litter the floor,

Don't feel like getting up to get any more

Soda cans towering 

People are cowering 

They call it crazy

I call it lazy.

It takes a lot of energy to be blessed.
Eva 

"I always tell Bethie that there aren't any monsters .... But I don't think that's true." - Eva after the Bastille Day terrorist attacks in Paris 

Eva: once I stole a bracelet from the lost & found at church, and you found it, and you made me bring it back and talk to the pastor about it. 
Me: and you never stole again, did you?
Eva: Nope. At least, not from church.

The note Maggie is receiving tonight, after losing three teeth in one week:

Dearest Maggie,
 
I am so very sorry for not retrieving your tooth (or should I say teeth!) sooner. I would’ve been here right away if it weren’t for the very fact that in Fairyland, everyone had been superbly busy lately. I believe it’s all the children around your age. Their teeth seem to fall out of their mouths like raindrops fall out of the sky! Because of this very unusual dilemma, the Fairy Queen has decreed that all fairies shall retrieve the teeth when at least three of them have already come out of the same child’s mouth, but as you can see that doesn’t help the issue much.

I must tell you some splendid news! I am to be married! Yes, Jack and I are very excited. I do believe that Jack is your dear brother Ike’s tooth fairy! He speaks very pleasantly of him, but he waits for him to lose more teeth.
 
Well anyway, Jack and I are to be married by December. I do not wish for it to happen in the winter months for in the winter we fairies have to wear protective coverings over our wings. I must say that is not very attractive – or comfortable – in my opinion. I will discuss with Jack whether or not we can arrange the celebration earlier, like maybe in November, or even perhaps October. Well, actually October wouldn’t be good. I won’t have enough time to plan…
 
I am so sorry! I got off track! I have a tremendous problem with that. To get back on schedule, I must say that I cannot write anymore. I have 156 other children tonight! I fear I will not be ready by morning. Ciao!

Sincerely,

Calista Meriwether Flyingfeather VI

We watched The Bible with the the 3 oldest a couple nights ago. Maggie's questions "How could dey film them when cameras hadn't been inbented yet?" were much, much easier than Eva Rose's "But I don't get it! How could Abraham have a baby with Hagar when he was married to Sarah? How? Tell me now! I need to know!"

It's time for The Talk. Lord help.

"Eva, lately, every time I say something to you, you argue with me."
"No I don't!!"

Tonight, watching a documentary about Auschwitz with Shep and Eva, they mentioned that many Russians were killed in WWII.

Shep: Yes. 23,650,000.
Me & Eva: What?
Shep: 23,650,000 Russians killed in WWII. For real. 23,650,000.
Me & Eva: {stare}
Eva: Nerd.

 Bethie just came down, unasked, with jammies on, teeth brushed, pull-up on, holding out a hair band for me. Who IS this kid?

Walker on Eva:

My nine year-old daughter is so complex. I don't think I have the "tool box" to manage her. I am really scared when hormones start kicking in too. She is a force of nature already. She is like the Best (and Scariest) of my grandmother Ruth and wife, Missy Hooks Dollahon. Formidable!

She's smarter than me too. Can I "send in the marines" now? Can someone else take over? Can she take over?? Imagine a lethal combination of the Dowager Countess in Downton Abbey mixed with Maggie Thatcher and Genghis Khan but in a pint-sized body. The mental and emotional backflips I had to do this morning to get her ready for school has exhausted me. I will be sucking my thumb in the corner if you need me...

I wish when Eva Rose was the HARDEST TWO YEAR OLD I HAD EVER ENCOUNTERED EVER that someone would have told me seven years later she would be in my kitchen making mac and cheese and salad for the family while I sat on my butt looking at facebook. That would have made it sting a little less.

For Eva's (early) 9thbirthday she requested Italian - which means she tried escargot, crreme brûlée and tiramisu all in one night.,

Amen.

Me: (talking about how irresitable I was to Walker) "Guys like girls who are funny." Eva Rose: "Something tells me I'm gonna have a LOT of guys like me."

Me: Are you gonna obey me, or are you gonna argue?
Eva Rose: I'm obeying AND I'm arguing!
And then we both cracked up.

Walker Dollahon

February 18, 2013 · 

LOL. While Missy Hooks Dollahon, Maggie, and I are in Ethiopia this week Shepherd, Eva Rose, and Ike at staying with my folks in Houston. Shepherd was forced to sleep in the same bedroom that my grandmother passed away in. Eva Rose sensed an opportunity to pray a prank. In her words from an email we got this is what she did: "I played a joke on Shep. He has to sleep in great grandmothers old bed room so I wrote on a napkin in some made up handwriting that said "I've been looking for you. -Great Grandmother." Creepy, huh."

Eva rose said there are two angels in the bible, Michael & Harold. 
We said Harold? 
She said 'yes, hark the Harold angel sings.'

 Eva Rose reading her Kindle, which I thought I had censored: "Mom, I just looked up cannibal on the dictionary on my Kindle. Ew! What does 'sexual organs' mean?" Holy crap, what are you reading? Bugs. It's a book about bugs.

 Note that the Tooth Fairy (aka Shep) wrote tonight:

Dear Eva,

I do exist, except the Tooth Fairy Queen won’t let me give you proof because remember about that boy who went to Fairy Land? And made a lot of mischief? That’s the reason. Sorry, I can’t show you any proof. But please believe in me. 

Sincerely,

The Tooth Fairy

Shep: 'Mom, I'm growing up. I'm learning new words like democracy, mechanism, confidence, privacy...'

Eva Rose: 'I've been using all those words for months now.'