Shep, reflecting on my upset stomach: 

Wow, that must be really awkward, when you get married...

Me: what, you mean the farts and the burps and stuff? Well, you don't start farting and burping right away, you try and keep that hidden for a while.  Unless, you know, you get pregnant three weeks after your wedding, then all bets are off. 

Shep: Poor Dad. 

Indeed.