I'd have to say the highlight of my week was when my Jen showed up on my front door, saying her embarrassed four year old Whitton owed me an apology. After ten minutes or so of encouraging/cajoling/threatening, he finally whispered, "I'm sorry I peed on Ike."

This is Maggie, at Costco, eating diced hotdog onions out of a cup with a spoon. She does this with raw garlic too. Spoons it right out of the jar. #evenbetterthanachastitybelt

Maggie: I hope that when Bethie grows up, she marries a black man. 
Me: why?
Maggie: So that we can get some real black people in this family. This family is too white.
Me: well, you could marry a black man.

Maggie: but then my kids won't be really black, just some black, like Barack Obama.

Helping her brother write a letter to the Tooth Fairy

At baby Alice's baptism:

Ike: Mom, when can I get communion?
Me: When you confess that Jesus is your savior and you want to follow him for all your life.
Ike: Will I have to be nicer?
Me: Well, if you're following Jesus, then, yeah.
Ike: (shakes head) I'm always gonna be mean to Maggie.

Ike: I want to go to Daniel's house.

Walker: They're not home.

Ike: Yes, they are.

Walker: how do you know.

Ike (brief pause): Cause I'm a genius.

Walker describing our differences:

"Me, I'm Burlington Electric. Conservative, steady, with modest growth year after year.
You, you're a penny stock. Wildly unpredictable. Way down here at 10am, way up here by 4pm. You can make a fortune and lose a fortune, all in one day."

Yesterday was Bethie's first major temper tantrum. She wanted another popsicle. I told her no. She screamed YES. I said no. She threw the popsicle down on the floor. I told her to pick it up. She screamed NOOOOOOOOO and slammed the door in my face.

Eva watched all this, wide eyed. Then she turned to me and said, "Who does she think she is?!?!?!"

I said, um, it's bedtime, little girl. It was about 5pm. I literally had to almost sit on her to get her clothes off and get her pajamas on. Then I kissed her, told her I loved her, and put her to bed. She tried to run out of the room several times and we had to fetch her. She screamed about 20 minutes and fell asleep.

Afterwards, Eva was going on and on about how unbelievable that was.

"Eva. You know when I told you you were hard? That was you. THAT WAS YOU."

"Every day??" she asked.

I nodded. "Just about. Every. Day."

Her eyes were as big as saucers. "Wow."

Wow indeed.

Tonight, watching a documentary about Auschwitz with Shep and Eva, they mentioned that many Russians were killed in WWII.

Shep: Yes. 23,650,000.
Me & Eva: What?
Shep: 23,650,000 Russians killed in WWII. For real. 23,650,000.
Me & Eva: {stare}
Eva: Nerd.

I asked Maggie "You know the Lazyboy that we have upstairs?" and she answered, "Shep?"

Took me a minute.

Yesterday Shep told me I was 'ruining his life.' Don't I earn some kind of mommy merit badge for that one?

Ike: I love you Bethie.
Bethie: No!
Ike: YES I DO LOVE YOU, YOU BIG DUMB STUPID HEAD!!

Ike: why is ChicFilA closed today?
Me: so the people who work there can go to church.
Ike: is McDonalds open?
Me: yes.
Ike: oh that's cause McDonald's already knows all about God.

Art thou afeard
To be the same in thine own act and valour
As thou art in desire?
Wouldst thou have that
Which thou esteem'st the ornament of life,
And live a coward in thine own esteem,
Letting 'I dare not' wait upon 'I would,'
Like the poor cat i' the adage?
-Lady MacBeth

I memorized this line in college and tried to make it the motto of my life. Had forgotten it until tonight, when I heard it spoken by the charming voice of...Marge Simpson.

Sheppy in the outfit he wore as an itty bitty baby

Bethie just came down, unasked, with jammies on, teeth brushed, pull-up on, holding out a hair band for me. Who IS this kid?

 Bethie just came down, unasked, with jammies on, teeth brushed, pull-up on, holding out a hair band for me. Who IS this kid?

No! Do not get in mommy's makeup! No! Ma'am! Not for bethie! No! Now hold still while I take your picture...

Maggie's Hero Project Report:

My hero is Susannah Martin. I chose her because she is my great great great great great great great great great (that’s nine greats) grandmother. She was baptized at Olney, Buckinghamshire, England on September 30, 1621 when she was a baby. Her parents’ names were Richard and Joan North. Her mother died when she was a child and she had a step-mother named Ursula.  She was about 18 when she moved to America.

On August 11, 1646 in Salisbury, Massachusetts Susannah married George Martin. They had a lot of kids: eight. Five boys and three girls. Three times, she was arrested for witchcraft but she was always let go because they couldn’t prove it.
Susannah became famous because in 1692, when she was 70, she got arrested for witchcraft again. Some girls in Salem, Massachusetts, started acting crazy. They would scream and throw fits. They said that witches were casting bad spells on them. One of the people they said was a witch was Susannah Martin. Some people who were arrested lied and said other people were witches.  But Susannah told the truth so nobody else got hanged. This is why she is a hero, because she told the truth even though she would get hanged. She said bible verses and laughed at the girls when they threw fits. She was found guilty and she was hanged on July 19, 1692. She makes me want to tell the truth so other people won’t get hurt. Her hero characteristics are Susannah Martin was kind, smart, honest, and reliable.

Penny upon returning from a late night trip to the store: 'I only got the necessities: bacon and wine. So we should be able to make it till tomorrow.'

Walker on Eva:

My nine year-old daughter is so complex. I don't think I have the "tool box" to manage her. I am really scared when hormones start kicking in too. She is a force of nature already. She is like the Best (and Scariest) of my grandmother Ruth and wife, Missy Hooks Dollahon. Formidable!

She's smarter than me too. Can I "send in the marines" now? Can someone else take over? Can she take over?? Imagine a lethal combination of the Dowager Countess in Downton Abbey mixed with Maggie Thatcher and Genghis Khan but in a pint-sized body. The mental and emotional backflips I had to do this morning to get her ready for school has exhausted me. I will be sucking my thumb in the corner if you need me...

Precious.

Maggie: Mom, which animals have gone extinct since you were born?

Walker:

Missy is an extreme extrovert. I am also an extrovert (but not as much as my wife). My oldest two kids are also extroverts. Maggie, however, is definitely introverted. Last night I noticed I hadn't seen her in a long time. She wasn't among the bustle of our usual, early evening chaos of dinner, clean up, prepping for the fist day, taking showers, etc. I called up to her and said, "Hey Mags, come downstairs!" She reluctantly walks over to the top of the stairs and whines, "Please, dad. I don't want to be around any people right now." I let her be. She went back to doodling unicorns and princesses by herself on the coach upstairs I think.

Bethie just said her first definite 3 word sentence. 'I wanna eat.' (It's always about food, isn't it?) confirms my suspicion the other day that she said 'I need soup'. SO EXCITED. This little girl is gonna be so hysterical once she starts talking!!

Maggie: mommy, when you have a baby, do they give you like a medicine so that you don't feel the baby come out?

Me: yes, praise God

Maggie: (Leaps for joy around the living room) Yea! Yes! Then I DO want to get married!!!

Ike just asked what would happen if he licked a scrape on his knee. I said nothing. He said, "Oh. Yesterday in the car Shep made me lick it. Then after I did, he told me tomorrow I would die."

Watching a Nativity show with the kids and fielding all sorts of really challenging theological questions. 
"Did they comb their hair?"
"Do they wear pants?"
"They walked back them?"
"Is that Santa?"

 Watching a Nativity show with the kids and fielding all sorts of really challenging theological questions. 

"Did they comb their hair?"

"Do they wear pants?"

"They walked back them?"

"Is that Santa?"

Mags

Why do they want us to marry Christmas?

Shep (on writing) have you ever done suppository text?

Ike just called 911, for kicks. But seriously, y'all, I went 10 years of parenting before a kid of mine called 911. That's pretty special, huh?

I take mommy props wherever I can get them.

Farts are a result of the Fall, cause as soon as Adam & Eva farted, people smelled it & fell down. 

Mary had a little fart, little fart, little fart, Mary had a little fart, she held it in all day....

Maggie. Of course.

After eating four bowls of Chicken and Lime soup:

 "Mom, I just barfed the soup from dinner up in my mouth a little bit just now. And when I swallowed it back down, it still tasted so good."

Maggie and Ike have this tendency to say, "I love you more than Satan!" and I'm like, um, thanks, I guess - ??

I wish when Eva Rose was the HARDEST TWO YEAR OLD I HAD EVER ENCOUNTERED EVER that someone would have told me seven years later she would be in my kitchen making mac and cheese and salad for the family while I sat on my butt looking at facebook. That would have made it sting a little less.

Me: It's true, you have not been managing your emotions well lately.
Shep: WHAT?! YES I HAVE!! {stomps off to room}

 Told Shep to take a bath. He takes one. Puts his dirty (filthy) clothes back

 on. Did you put your dirty underwear back on too?? Yes. {eye roll}

Eva Rose was giving me an inventory of nail polish colors we need to do Halloween nails. She said 'we need a non-see through green' but as soon as she said 'we need a non-see...' Shep interrupts with this evil monster voice 'You need a NAZI???'

Ok maybe you had to be there but it was pretty hysterical.

9/11

 I was teaching PreKindergarten at Wesley Academy. I walked my kids to music class and saw some teachers watching TV in the library. When I joined them they told me that one of the Twin Towers had been hit by a plane and while we were watching, the other was hit. I immediately said "This is Osama bin Laden," and the other teachers said, "Who?" But I had just watched an A&E Biography on him the week before where he swore that he would strike again and be successful this time. He did and he was.

We frantically emailed parents telling them that school was closed and to come get their kids. It took some parents a couple of hours to get there, the traffic downtown was so bad. When my little babies asked why they were going home early I had no idea what to say so I told them, "It's such a pretty day outside, we want you to go home so you can play," and from then on, every time it was pretty outside, they asked if they could go home and play. And I would feel guilty for lying to them but how on earth do you explain 9/11 to a 4 year old? How do you explain it to an adult?? 

While we waited for the parents to come I would step into the hallway so they could not see me cry. There was usually another teacher doing the same and we would hug each other and cry silently so the kids wouldn't hear us. When the moms got there, more hugging and silent crying. Then we all went home and stayed glued to the television until bedtime. The news just got worse and worse.

I remember thinking, this changes everything. These babies, my sweet four and five year old babies, will never know a world pre-9/11. And that broke my heart. That still breaks my heart.

Ike asked where he came from. I said my tummy. No, like where did you go to get me. The hospital. I mean WHERE mom?!?
I guess this is what happens when your baby sister arrives via airplane.

Chestnut brown cascade.
Emerald pools pull me in.
Lost.  Found.  Lost again.

-Walker 

For Eva's (early) 9thbirthday she requested Italian - which means she tried escargot, crreme brûlée and tiramisu all in one night.,

Amen.

Have you ever been in a store and seen a woman with children that were so incredibly loud, badly behaved and out of control you couldn't help but give her dual glances of pity and scorn? That would be us, tonight at Lowe's.

Ike, in the pool, sobbing, wailing, "I DON'T WANT TO BE HUMAN!!!!!!"

"Fine, you're a shark, be a shark."

The rest of y'all, I can't help you.

Her first apple pie

Maggie: can we please get a pet? I am so tired of all the humans in this family.

Tonight I was reading "I Love You Forever" to Ike. Shep was looking on and kept teasing me, "you're gonna cry...you're gonna cry." I got thru the whole book without crying - HA - but when it got to the part where he goes to his mom's house and picks her up and begins to rock her, guess which 9 year old tough guy BURST INTO AN UGLY CRY?? HA!!