"Mommy, Sissy's tattling on meeeeee!" Ah, the sweet, heartwarming irony of a whiney child.

Evidently the Smartass Fairy came in my home last night and waved her evil little wand over all my children.

Azaleas are blooming all over Houston, which causes Eva Rose to say, "Look at all the Isaiahs!"

Deep Spiritual Thoughts of Children.

Walker: Guys, today we are celebrating that Jesus Christ was killed for the sins of the world as the perfect sacrifice, then rose again so that there is life everlasting for those who believe that he is Lord!!

Shepherd: So does that mean the Easter Bunny comes again tonight??

Tonight at dinner, Eva Rose said she only wanted 1 or 2 kids when she grew up.

Why?

"I don't want to be a big worker."

Oh, I gotcha. Good plan.

Niiiiiice.

Me: "Maggie, if you had a baby, what would you name it?"

Maggie: "Satan."

Me: "Maggie, if you had a baby, what would you name it?" Maggie: "Satan."  Niiiiiiiiice.

My kids have played with a Costco pack of toilet paper rolls ALL MORNING. Forts, snowballs, bowling. Seriously, why do I even buy toys??

Sisters

twins

Maggie is the most polite little girl I have ever known. She never fails to say "thank you" and "you're welcome."

When we were driving up to Dallas, she loved watching the movie on the DVD player in the car. At one point I sneezed very loudly. Maggie said, "Bwess you Mommy. And be qwiet."

Vocab

All created by Shep unless otherwise noted

motna catrol: remote control
flappy Jones: sloppy Joes
eat house: restaurant
pandaboo: bamboo

I just know things

Tonight at dinner Shep asked about wrestling. He asked if it were a game. I said, "It's not really a game, it's" and then Eva Rose said, "it's a sport."

I said, "How do you know that Eva Rose?" and she said, "I just know things."

Today Shep and Ike were really wrestling and cracking each other up. Walker and Sean STILL do this. I love having brothers in my house.

Shep to Maggie at dinner: "Sorry Maggie, but we can't adopt a mermaid."

Maggie said, "You're fat Mommy." Then Eva Rose said, "But you're fashionably fat." I don't even know what to say to that.

supermodels

Eva Rose has an amazing fashion sense. I love seeing the outfits she comes up with.

Eva Eva Fashionista

They love to sip hot chocolate by the fireplace.

just uttered by Shep, "When I grow up I'm gonna be the first person to go to Pluto." He will pack guns and pizza.

 just uttered by Shep, "When I grow up I'm gonna be the first person to go to Pluto." He will pack guns and pizza.

just uttered by Shep, "When I grow up I'm gonna be the first person to go to Pluto." He will pack guns and pizza.

My son just informed me that he got married today at school. To Marissa, whom I only met very briefly. She's cute and all. For a five year old. But I wasn't wasn't even informed, much less invited, much less asked my opinion regarding the flowers, which were just leaves off the playground. Humph.

He did this LITERALLY behind my back as I was putting on makeup

outside the chiropractor's office

says, motherhood is full of such sweet, precious moments. Moments that melt your heart, and make you, well, glad to be alive. For instance, driving back from Costco just now, my beautiful daughter Evangeline was heard to say to her adored older brother, "Hey Shep, listen, hear me fart" and at that moment, the pride, the joy, that exuded from my soul....it's inexplicable, really.

Motherhood is full of such sweet, precious moments. Moments that melt your heart, and make you, well, glad to be alive. For instance, driving back from Costco just now, my beautiful daughter Evangeline was heard to say to her adored older brother, "Hey Shep, listen, hear me fart" and at that moment, the pride, the joy, that exuded from my soul....it's inexplicable, really.

Blood curdling screams echo down the stairs from Eva Rose. "I STEPPED ON A TIC TAC! I STEPPED ON A TIC TAC!!!" Evidently a "tic tac" fell off Shep's bulletin board. Painful, yet minty fresh and just one calorie.

Eva Rose: "I have so much stuff to pick up, that I can't do it all at one time, because I am NOT an octopus." I hear ya, girl. 

"Here's the deal Shep. The Tooth Fairy has been very very backed up lately. So the way it works now is that I have to email her and tell her to come to our house. I totally forgot to email her last night. So from now on, you have to remind me OVER AND OVER to be sure and email her. Okay?"

Oh, the joys of mothering a 6 year old boy who has discovered the word "fart." With a fart fart here, a fart fart there, here a fart, there a fart, everywhere a fart fart (the charming little ditty he just composed.)

Today, at hatties birthday party, Maggie disappeared into a room, stripped off all her clothes, put on a pink feather boa, then came back out - butt naked but for the boa - to where many guests were standing and shouted,"'TA DAAA!!"

There's been a murder in our house tonight. The victim: single gold fish. The perp: white female, about 36 inches tall, blond hair, blue eyes. Considered unarmed but extremely dangerous.

Eva Rose to her momma this morning in the bathroom: "I saw you naked. And I didn't even laugh."  Why, thank you. I'm sure it took much restraint.

just walked in the bathroom to find her daughter dipping toilet paper in the toilet, wetting it with potty water, then using that to wipe her and her baby brother's faces. Ugh! UGH UGH UGH!!!!!!!!!

66 random questions. Go ahead. You've already wasted half the evening on facebook. What's 20 more minutes?

lanning system is very complex and based on my laundry system which is also very complex and frequently delayed.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Narcissistic.
6. What's the closest thing to you that's red? my heart
7. What was the last dream you remember having? marrying Scott Baio
8. Did you meet anybody new today? I saw a teeny tiny baby at Costco, he was very new
9. What are you craving right now? Sleep
10. Do you floss? In direct relation to popcorn consumption
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? fart
12. Are you emotional? I do tend to emote.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? Whenever I am angry at my children. Counting to 10 just doesn't cut it.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? It's a delicate combination of both.
15. Do you like your hair? I liked it once.
16. Do you like yourself? I am tolerable to live within.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? I'd go anywhere with George W. Bush.
18. What are you listening to right now? American Idol results. Which I am totally uninterested in. But man, do I want some ice cream ever since question 14.
19. Are your parents strict? Well, they were, I mean, they aren't strict anymore, being that they have no kids to boss around anymore. Muhahahaha! I'll stay out all night if I want to!! Muhahahaha!
20. Would you go sky diving? No, nor would I go dumpster diving. Unless it was with George W. Bush.
21. Do you like cottage cheese? Sometimes I get a hankering for it but usually if I buy it it sits in the fridge until it turns into something that could cure swine flu.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity? Every time I look in the mirror
23. Do you rent movies often? Don't ever ask me that question again.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room in which you are? Maggie + bottle of glitter = a very sparkly house
25. What countries have you visited? What countries haven't I visited?
26. Have you made a prank phone call? Not since that damn caller ID was invented
27. Ever been on a train? Have I ever been on one? Why, I've slept on one!!
28. Brown or white eggs? brown cage free, baby. I like my chicken embryos on the wild side
29. Do you have a cell-phone? What celebrity doesn't have a cell phone?
31. Do you use chap stick? I prefer my chaps to be stickless.
32. Do you own a gun? Two - called my biceps.
33. Can you use chop sticks? No. I think white people who use chop sticks are in the same category as white people who pronounce things with a Spanish accent at Taco Bell.
34. Who are you going to be with tonight? One lucky man
35. Are you too forgiving? I don't think there is such a thing. And neither did Jesus, and he kinda got his doctorate in forgiveness.
36. Ever been in love? Yes. See 17
37. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? going to work to support his baby momma babies
38. Ever have cream puffs? Ugh. Just the name is...vulgar.
39. Last time you cried? It has to do with question 36.
40. What was the last question you asked to someone? Do you want to see if Roger the Elder can cancel our interview to see if we will be accepted back into the fold that is Christ the King?
41. Favorite time of the year? Christmas
42. Do you have any tattoos? yes
43. Are you sarcastic? no, not one teeny tiny bit (insert eye roll)
44. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? no, but I did see a lot of butterflies come out of their cocoons once. It wasn't beautiful. It was kinda yucky.
45. Ever walked into a wall? Oh yes. Clutzy, thy name is Missy
46. Favorite color? yes.
47. Have you ever slapped someone? Someone gets slapped by me daily around here.
48. Is your hair curly? Be more specific.
49. What was the last CD you bought? Mo Leverett.
50. Do looks matter? Only if they kill.
51. Could you ever forgive a cheater? I am still working on forgiving myself for cheating on my 10th grade geometry test. Oh, the guilt, the guilt...and I still got a C.
52. Is your phone bill sky high? Yes. Please quit calling me.
53. Do you like your life right now? As opposed to my death right now?
54. Do you sleep with the TV on? Love, love, love taking naps to the O'Reilly Factor.
55. Can you handle the truth? I can, and I do.
56. Do you have good vision? That is such a loaded question.
57. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? Yes, and they all reside in Washington DC.
58. How often do you talk on the phone? Depends on who's calling
59. The last person you held hands with? Eva Rose. Sticky.
60. What are you wearing? sweaty workout clothes
61. What is your favorite animal? Maggie
62. Where was your profile picture taken? The steps of church on Easter Sunday as I screamed at my children to smile and look like a happy family or I was going to slap them all
63. Can you hula hoop? for about 3.5 hoops. Or hulas.
64. Do you have a job? Till my kids downsize or outsource.
65. What was the most recent thing you bought? I spent a goodly bit of money at the Costco's today on various paper products and bananas. Lots of bananas.
66. Have you ever crawled through a window? Is that some kind of euphemism for something? "Well, I guess you heard that Missy finally crawled through the window." I'm not answering until I know for sure.

Wed, Mar 4, 2009, 9:26 AM 

to laurenmc27@aol.com, walkerdollahon 

Lauren, I have to tell you. We always pray on the way to school. Shep & ER usually pray. Today Maggie said she wanted to pray, this is the first time she has really asked. I said, what do you want to pray about? she said "I wanna pay baby Wiwy!" And she did!! She said something like, Dear God, baby Lily sick, please make baby lily well, amen! I was so excited. The very first time I have really heard her pray a real prayer!!! And we haven't really talked about Lily much lately, she came up with that all by herself! 

 I LOVE to see how God lays it on my babies hearts to pray for others, already!! Oh, it just gives me chills. 

 love you, Mis

Missy <missydoll@gmail.com>	3/4/09
to Lauren Browning

Lauren, I have to tell you. We always pray on the way to school. Shep & ER usually pray. Today Maggie said she wanted to pray, this is the first time she has really asked. I said, what do you want to pray about? she said "I wanna pay baby Wiwy!" And she did!! She said something like, Dear God, baby Lily sick, please make baby lily well, amen! I was so excited. The very first time I have really heard her pray a real prayer!!! And we haven't really talked about Lily much lately, she came up with that all by herself!

I LOVE to see how God lays it on my babies hearts to pray for others, already!! Oh, it just gives me chills. 

The dinosaurs are all extink, right? Because they died. They died cause they wanted to see Jesus, right? But, they dudn't saw Jesus after they died.
They saw scientists.

-Shep

from Mimi 7-1-08

Might as well enjoy telling you how sweet Eva Rose was to Mimi. I didn't ask her to help me but she got busy clearing the table for me! Imagine my surprise when she carried in the china...ULP! But she was sooooo careful and she went back again and again to get everything she could manage and even the heavy goblets filled with iced tea...she said, "This is so heavy!" I was astonished, Missy!  She kept hugging my legs and bringing me silverware, napkins, etc. I mean she carried a lot! I have no idea why she decided to do that! I thanked her profusely of course. It was so touching. I felt like I had  a glimpse of the woman she is going to become. It was just lovely to have such a young child concerned about helping Mimi!

Email sent to Jenny on 6-18-08

I need your prayers, because I know you will get this.

Eva Rose will wake up at 5, 5:30, when it is pitch black, and go wake up the baby, which wakes up Shep, and us, then we put her back in her room and she screams which proceeds to wake up Maggie. So, 5:30am, pitch black, my whole house is awake and shorted 1-2 hours sleep.

She does this once every 2 weeks or so. Lately more often.
We have tried everything we know to try. Spanking, putting her to bed early, whatever. Nothing works.

She did it this am and you know Walker is out of town. So I put her back in bed, locked the door, and now I told her she cannot come down till it is almost time for school. I am going to cover her doorknob with duct tape tonight - she can undo it otherwise. Now she is absolutely screaming, beating the door, and this has been going on and off for 1.5 hours now. And school is not till 9 and it is only 7.

Please pray that this works. I am so at my wits end with her.

 Eva Rose (3) is sweet on her first boy. His name is Connor.

One afternoon I asked her if she liked Connor. Affirmative tee hee hee. Do you love Connor? Affirmative. Do you want to marry Connor? And this was her reply:

"I don't want to marry Connor. I want to Joseph him."
Pardon?
"Mary is a girl. I am a girl. Joseph is a boy. I don't want to Mary Connor, I want to Joseph him. Cuz I'm a girl, Mommy. And Connor is a boy."

Last week I was SO frustrated with the kids because they would not clean up. So I finally lost it and yelled at them. So Eva Rose turns to Shep and goes "Mommy's bein ugwy" and he goes "Yeah."  

(looking at photos of Uncle James and Baby Wendy)

Shep : Where's James hair go?
ER: I think maybe the bad guys shoot Wendy's and James's hair off.

Two Names You Go By:1. Missy
2. Mommy

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:1. green tank with a cross on it
2. bracelet a friend got me in Prague that I keep scratching Ike's head with

Two Things You Want in a Relationship:

are we talking husbands or sister wives? I guess it doesn't matter
1. love
2. money - not necessarily in that order

Two of Your Favorite Things to do:1. sleep
2. eat

wow, that sounds lazy. What I meant to say was

1. preach the gospel

2. serve my neighbor

Two things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:1. a backrub
2. a little time alone

Two pets you had/have:
1. Parlin - orange tabby
2. the family of possums that lives in our backyard

Two things you did last night:1. stared at the clock wondering where my husband was
2. snuggled with Ingram

Two things you ate today:1. pizza
2. one bite of the kids corndog. Man, corndogs are good.

Two people you talked to last:1. Walker
2. Maggie

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:1. buying a cute little girl a first birthday present
2. sleeping in, hopefully

Two longest car rides:
1. Houston-Virginia-Houston
2. up and down the California coast

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Purim
2. Martin Luther King day

Two favorite beverages:
1. anything forbidden in Mormonism

Shep got mad at me today because i wouldnt buy him this truck at Ross and it was naptime and he had a total meltdown, cried and cried "you made me sad Mom! you hurt my feelings!"  After he calmed down i was looking at him in my rear view mirror and said "you have the prettiest eyes Shep" and he goes "I got WET eyes. I got CRYING eyes. Cuz you don't buy me a TRUCK."  

Thu, May 3, 2007, 1:11 AM

Maggie is B A D. It is coming out strong!! She climbs up on top the the table, stands there and looks at me and goes Nononononono!