Sunday, December 3, 2017

"Bethie. Go away. I'm pooping. I like to poop all by myself."
"But the door is closed. I'm not looking at you."
"I don't want to be spoken to either. I like to poop ALONE."
"That's weird."

Yeah. I'm the weird one.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Bethie: I want to have a quiet day. No music, no TV, no talking. Just you and me. Quiet.
Me: You're in the wrong house, girl.
Bethie: Then I think I should move to Rubi's house. It's quiet there.

Monday, August 14, 2017

I just found an email I sent to Hillary Powell in 2006:

"Well, let me tell ya. Today my first daughter was THE DEVIL. She is very very TWO. She does not seem to throw normal tantrums when she does not get what she wants, she uses this devil voice to scream at you. Picture REDRUM. Or the Exorcist. I am serious, it hurts my ears and my spine and it is NOT cute. And then Miss Maggie Belle, she has learned how to pull up in her crib but not how to get down. So her thing is to stand up the whole time she is supposed to be napping and alternately yell and giggle. And so I go up, lie her down, and before i am down the stairs, she is up again. She did not nap ALL day today. I was so aggravated when my mom called she threatened to call CPS on me and I actually told her to go ahead, I could use the break from them both. So, there goes my mother of the year award."

Sunday, July 9, 2017

(Working on family calendar)
Bethie! November 30 is your Dollahonaversary! (The day we passed court)
Bee: really! So I can do anything I want that day!
Me: um, ok
Bee: yea! So I can get a tattoo!
Upon further questioning, she wants My Little Pony tattooed on her eyelids.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

When Shep was tiny I had the "bedtime routine" all the books said you should: bath, book, rock, sing, lay down, pray he didn't cry, if he did, start over, rinse repeat. Took like 30 minutes at least.

The first time I saw Walker put him to bed, he went upstairs. Then about 30 SECONDS later he came back downstairs.

I was like, what??? Did you rock him? Did you do The Routine?

Walker said "um, I laid him down in the crib, and I, like, walked out..? That's what I always do - ?"

"You didn't rock him??"

"I never rock him."

"He didn't cry??"

"He never cries."

That's when I realized I was being played - by my 4 month old.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

I did not grow up in a large family. Therefore, as a mother, much of our daily familial life is novel and surprising to me. For example, I was unaware that, in a family of seven souls, one might ask, "WHO FARTED?!?" seven, eight, perhaps even nine times in any God given day.

Hashtag blessed. 

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Watching Dead Ringer with Bette Davis
Me: I hate it when I kill my twin and assume her identity and then it turns out she had murdered her husband and then I get the death penalty....
Maggie: Everyday struggles. 
It takes a lot of energy to be blessed.

Friday, February 17, 2017

When Walker, weeks shy of becoming 5, was about to start kindergarten in Pensacola, a neighbor advised me solemnly that I should prepare him. What? 

He didn't know how to count, his ABC's, what street he lived on, his birthday. Oh, my.

I started out with something simple.

"What's your name?"


"What's your other name?"


"O.K. You have THREE names. What's the middle one?"



Thursday, February 16, 2017

She shrugs her frail shoulders 
And stands against the tide 
She acts as if words don't hurt 
That stares don't make her hide 

She prepares herself from torture 
Something she remembers from long ago
When she let the world defeat her 
When she trembled and didn't say "no"

She feels each deadly poison knife
Each cold and brutal hand 
Strength isn't what you overcome 
It's what you can withstand 

Monday, January 2, 2017

One of the ways I fell for Walker: I used to get a Word of the Day emailed to me, some random word, with the definition. Periodically I would forward one to Walker and his friend Dave, and they had to compete to come up with the best sentence (which would often turn into an essay), and I would judge the winner. I would often cry, cry I tell you, CRY with laughter.