Wednesday, December 9, 2009

My son just informed me that he got married today at school. To Marissa, whom I only met very briefly. She's cute and all. For a five year old. But I wasn't wasn't even informed, much less invited, much less asked my opinion regarding the flowers, which were just leaves off the playground. Humph.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

He did this LITERALLY behind my back as I was putting on makeup
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outside the chiropractor's office

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Friday, November 20, 2009

says, motherhood is full of such sweet, precious moments. Moments that melt your heart, and make you, well, glad to be alive. For instance, driving back from Costco just now, my beautiful daughter Evangeline was heard to say to her adored older brother, "Hey Shep, listen, hear me fart" and at that moment, the pride, the joy, that exuded from my's inexplicable, really.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Blood curdling screams echo down the stairs from Eva Rose. "I STEPPED ON A TIC TAC! I STEPPED ON A TIC TAC!!!" Evidently a "tic tac" fell off Shep's bulletin board. Painful, yet minty fresh and just one calorie.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Oh, the joys of mothering a 6 year old boy who has discovered the word "fart." With a fart fart here, a fart fart there, here a fart, there a fart, everywhere a fart fart (the charming little ditty he just composed.)

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Today, at hatties birthday party, Maggie disappeared into a room, stripped off all her clothes, put on a pink feather boa, then came back out - butt naked but for the boa - to where many guests were standing and shouted,"'TA DAAA!!"

Saturday, May 30, 2009

There's been a murder in our house tonight. The victim: single gold fish. The perp: white female, about 36 inches tall, blond hair, blue eyes. Considered unarmed but extremely dangerous.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Eva Rose to her momma this morning in the bathroom: "I saw you naked. And I didn't even laugh."  Why, thank you. I'm sure it took much restraint.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

lanning system is very complex and based on my laundry system which is also very complex and frequently delayed.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Narcissistic.
6. What's the closest thing to you that's red? my heart
7. What was the last dream you remember having? marrying Scott Baio
8. Did you meet anybody new today? I saw a teeny tiny baby at Costco, he was very new
9. What are you craving right now? Sleep
10. Do you floss? In direct relation to popcorn consumption
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? fart
12. Are you emotional? I do tend to emote.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? Whenever I am angry at my children. Counting to 10 just doesn't cut it.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? It's a delicate combination of both.
15. Do you like your hair? I liked it once.
16. Do you like yourself? I am tolerable to live within.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? I'd go anywhere with George W. Bush.
18. What are you listening to right now? American Idol results. Which I am totally uninterested in. But man, do I want some ice cream ever since question 14.
19. Are your parents strict? Well, they were, I mean, they aren't strict anymore, being that they have no kids to boss around anymore. Muhahahaha! I'll stay out all night if I want to!! Muhahahaha!
20. Would you go sky diving? No, nor would I go dumpster diving. Unless it was with George W. Bush.
21. Do you like cottage cheese? Sometimes I get a hankering for it but usually if I buy it it sits in the fridge until it turns into something that could cure swine flu.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity? Every time I look in the mirror
23. Do you rent movies often? Don't ever ask me that question again.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room in which you are? Maggie + bottle of glitter = a very sparkly house
25. What countries have you visited? What countries haven't I visited?
26. Have you made a prank phone call? Not since that damn caller ID was invented
27. Ever been on a train? Have I ever been on one? Why, I've slept on one!!
28. Brown or white eggs? brown cage free, baby. I like my chicken embryos on the wild side
29. Do you have a cell-phone? What celebrity doesn't have a cell phone?
31. Do you use chap stick? I prefer my chaps to be stickless.
32. Do you own a gun? Two - called my biceps.
33. Can you use chop sticks? No. I think white people who use chop sticks are in the same category as white people who pronounce things with a Spanish accent at Taco Bell.
34. Who are you going to be with tonight? One lucky man
35. Are you too forgiving? I don't think there is such a thing. And neither did Jesus, and he kinda got his doctorate in forgiveness.
36. Ever been in love? Yes. See 17
37. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? going to work to support his baby momma babies
38. Ever have cream puffs? Ugh. Just the name is...vulgar.
39. Last time you cried? It has to do with question 36.
40. What was the last question you asked to someone? Do you want to see if Roger the Elder can cancel our interview to see if we will be accepted back into the fold that is Christ the King?
41. Favorite time of the year? Christmas
42. Do you have any tattoos? yes
43. Are you sarcastic? no, not one teeny tiny bit (insert eye roll)
44. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? no, but I did see a lot of butterflies come out of their cocoons once. It wasn't beautiful. It was kinda yucky.
45. Ever walked into a wall? Oh yes. Clutzy, thy name is Missy
46. Favorite color? yes.
47. Have you ever slapped someone? Someone gets slapped by me daily around here.
48. Is your hair curly? Be more specific.
49. What was the last CD you bought? Mo Leverett.
50. Do looks matter? Only if they kill.
51. Could you ever forgive a cheater? I am still working on forgiving myself for cheating on my 10th grade geometry test. Oh, the guilt, the guilt...and I still got a C.
52. Is your phone bill sky high? Yes. Please quit calling me.
53. Do you like your life right now? As opposed to my death right now?
54. Do you sleep with the TV on? Love, love, love taking naps to the O'Reilly Factor.
55. Can you handle the truth? I can, and I do.
56. Do you have good vision? That is such a loaded question.
57. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? Yes, and they all reside in Washington DC.
58. How often do you talk on the phone? Depends on who's calling
59. The last person you held hands with? Eva Rose. Sticky.
60. What are you wearing? sweaty workout clothes
61. What is your favorite animal? Maggie
62. Where was your profile picture taken? The steps of church on Easter Sunday as I screamed at my children to smile and look like a happy family or I was going to slap them all
63. Can you hula hoop? for about 3.5 hoops. Or hulas.
64. Do you have a job? Till my kids downsize or outsource.
65. What was the most recent thing you bought? I spent a goodly bit of money at the Costco's today on various paper products and bananas. Lots of bananas.
66. Have you ever crawled through a window? Is that some kind of euphemism for something? "Well, I guess you heard that Missy finally crawled through the window." I'm not answering until I know for sure.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


to Lauren Browning
Lauren, I have to tell you. We always pray on the way to school. Shep & ER usually pray. Today Maggie said she wanted to pray, this is the first time she has really asked. I said, what do you want to pray about? she said "I wanna pay baby Wiwy!" And she did!! She said something like, Dear God, baby Lily sick, please make baby lily well, amen! I was so excited. The very first time I have really heard her pray a real prayer!!! And we haven't really talked about Lily much lately, she came up with that all by herself!

I LOVE to see how God lays it on my babies hearts to pray for others, already!! Oh, it just gives me chills.