Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Ike just filled his water blaster gun with toilet water. And I don't mean perfume.


Saturday, July 14, 2018

 Maggie: my toe is bweeding! it's hurting! me: why? 
Maggie: because I bit it! 
Um. Well then.


Monday, July 9, 2018

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Shep: Are y'all organ donors? 

Walker: Well, I gave away a piano a few years ago...

Friday, June 1, 2018

"Wh I grow up, I'm gonna be the mom who pins lots of things on her Pinterest board to do with the kids ... and then never actually does them." - Maggie
The nut doesn't fall far from the tree.

Saturday, May 5, 2018

"This makes me rethink making friends."

Ike, upon hearing about Dad comparing poops with his friends in college 

Friday, April 20, 2018

Sunday, December 3, 2017

"Bethie. Go away. I'm pooping. I like to poop all by myself."
"But the door is closed. I'm not looking at you."
"I don't want to be spoken to either. I like to poop ALONE."
"That's weird."

Yeah. I'm the weird one.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Bethie: I want to have a quiet day. No music, no TV, no talking. Just you and me. Quiet.
Me: You're in the wrong house, girl.
Bethie: Then I think I should move to Rubi's house. It's quiet there.

Monday, August 14, 2017

I just found an email I sent to Hillary Powell in 2006:

"Well, let me tell ya. Today my first daughter was THE DEVIL. She is very very TWO. She does not seem to throw normal tantrums when she does not get what she wants, she uses this devil voice to scream at you. Picture REDRUM. Or the Exorcist. I am serious, it hurts my ears and my spine and it is NOT cute. And then Miss Maggie Belle, she has learned how to pull up in her crib but not how to get down. So her thing is to stand up the whole time she is supposed to be napping and alternately yell and giggle. And so I go up, lie her down, and before i am down the stairs, she is up again. She did not nap ALL day today. I was so aggravated when my mom called she threatened to call CPS on me and I actually told her to go ahead, I could use the break from them both. So, there goes my mother of the year award."

Sunday, July 9, 2017

(Working on family calendar)
Bethie! November 30 is your Dollahonaversary! (The day we passed court)
Bee: really! So I can do anything I want that day!
Me: um, ok
Bee: yea! So I can get a tattoo!
Upon further questioning, she wants My Little Pony tattooed on her eyelids.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

When Shep was tiny I had the "bedtime routine" all the books said you should: bath, book, rock, sing, lay down, pray he didn't cry, if he did, start over, rinse repeat. Took like 30 minutes at least.

The first time I saw Walker put him to bed, he went upstairs. Then about 30 SECONDS later he came back downstairs.

I was like, what??? Did you rock him? Did you do The Routine?

Walker said "um, I laid him down in the crib, and I, like, walked out..? That's what I always do - ?"

"You didn't rock him??"

"I never rock him."

"He didn't cry??"

"He never cries."

That's when I realized I was being played - by my 4 month old.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

I did not grow up in a large family. Therefore, as a mother, much of our daily familial life is novel and surprising to me. For example, I was unaware that, in a family of seven souls, one might ask, "WHO FARTED?!?" seven, eight, lo, even nine times in any God given day.

Hashtag blessed.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

I did not grow up in a large family. Therefore, as a mother, much of our daily familial life is novel and surprising to me. For example, I was unaware that, in a family of seven souls, one might ask, "WHO FARTED?!?" seven, eight, perhaps even nine times in any God given day.

Hashtag blessed. 

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Watching Dead Ringer with Bette Davis
Me: I hate it when I kill my twin and assume her identity and then it turns out she had murdered her husband and then I get the death penalty....
Maggie: Everyday struggles. 
It takes a lot of energy to be blessed.

Friday, February 17, 2017

When Walker, weeks shy of becoming 5, was about to start kindergarten in Pensacola, a neighbor advised me solemnly that I should prepare him. What? 

He didn't know how to count, his ABC's, what street he lived on, his birthday. Oh, my.

I started out with something simple.

"What's your name?"


"What's your other name?"


"O.K. You have THREE names. What's the middle one?"



Thursday, February 16, 2017

She shrugs her frail shoulders 
And stands against the tide 
She acts as if words don't hurt 
That stares don't make her hide 

She prepares herself from torture 
Something she remembers from long ago
When she let the world defeat her 
When she trembled and didn't say "no"

She feels each deadly poison knife
Each cold and brutal hand 
Strength isn't what you overcome 
It's what you can withstand 

Monday, January 2, 2017

One of the ways I fell for Walker: I used to get a Word of the Day emailed to me, some random word, with the definition. Periodically I would forward one to Walker and his friend Dave, and they had to compete to come up with the best sentence (which would often turn into an essay), and I would judge the winner. I would often cry, cry I tell you, CRY with laughter.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Bethie: Mom, leggings are not pants.
Me: These aren't leggings, they're YOGA pants. They're okay.
Bethie (scrutinizes, then shakes head): No Mom. Those are leggings. And leggings are not pants.

Monday, November 21, 2016

I forgot that if you tell a 13yo boy 'I'll give you $10 if you drink this" that even if you were joking, they'll take you up on it.
Tepid water that had been used to boil hot dogs. I almost threw up. He did throw up. But he got his $10!

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Turns out Bethie is obsessed with a mole on Eva's stomach named Moses.
Bethie: MOSES!
Eva: No Bethie!
Bethie: Moses is my only friend.
Eva: Bethie that's CREEPY.
Bethie: You make Moses sad!

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Eva: I spy with my little eye... something black.
Maggie: That chair?
Eva: Nope
Maggie: That shoe?
Eva: No.
Maggie: Your soul?

Friday, July 15, 2016

"I always tell Bethie that there aren't any monsters .... But I don't think that's true." - Eva after the Bastille Day terrorist attacks in Paris 

Monday, June 27, 2016

"Heaven seems boring," he said. 
Oh, to have lived such an easy painfree life that Heaven sounds boring.
One day you'll long for it, grasshopper. This much I assure you.

whether i see you or not
you still are
whether i obey you or not
you still command
whether i love you or not
you still love
whether i heed you or not
you still speak
whether i seek you or not
you still seek
whether i praise you or not
you still glorify

Friday, June 17, 2016

Maggie's church doodles. Just a donut holding up a stop sign. 
Nothing to see here, move along.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Ike gets up on the pulpit after church and says 'I'm gonna give a speech! Freedom for everyone! EVEN THE WOMEN!!'


Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Maggie: Ike! You're so mean to Bethie! You scream at her and stuff! ALL the time!

Eva: Guess it runs in the family.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Getting Into the car for church:
Me: Ike! You can't wear that! You wore those clothes yesterday and they're completely covered in food & dirt!
Ike: so what's wrong with that?

When walking to school:
Eva: Ike, is Camryn still your giirlfriiiend?
Ike: No! We're just friends! Anyway, she and Pierre were meant to be. Not me. Plus, I'm too cool for her. And weird.


Friday, April 29, 2016

From the time I first found out I was pregnant with Shep, I knew two things: that he was a boy, and that the Lord was calling him to something special for his Kingdom. The verse we printed on his birth announcement and had read at his baptism was I Samuel 1:27-28:

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord answered my prayer. He gave me this child. And now I give this child to the Lord. He will serve the Lord all his life.”

Verse 27 is lovely and sweet. Verse 28 has always scared the heck out of me. Giving your child to the Lord can mean anything. For Hannah, it meant sending her only son away when he was three. It's a dangerous prayer.

Lately, Shep has been asking hard, hard questions about his faith, and about the Jesus he has always loved, and the bible we have always poured into him. And he's been struggling with doubt. And he's gotten some ideas that maybe Christianity is silly and foolish contradicts science and reason. WhileWalker has said over and over that these questions are not only normal, but good, it's not normal or good to me - I have the gift of faith, a rare gift I realize, but one that means I have never, ever seriously doubted. So Shep's questions have made me very nervous, because my greatest fear is that one of my five children not know the Lord.

So a few months ago when I heard that apologist John Lennox was coming to speak at UT, I asked Shep if he wanted to go, and he said yes. I wasn't sure if he would like it, if it would be over his head, if he would be bored.

Hearing Lennox, professor of math at Oxford University, brilliant, winsome, yet so intimidating an apologist for the faith that the atheist physicist who was due to debate him flaked at the last minute, ignited my son in a way that I've never seen. And Shep begins to say things like "I want to be a bass playing apologist now."

Then after the talk, we ran into Andrew Coleman, and old, very dear friend of mine and Walker's, who is also one of the most brilliant people I know, who translated space manuals into Russian for NASA, and who is also such a winsome apologist for the faith. Who needed a place to sleep sometimes when he came up to Ratio Christi at Univ. of Texas Austin meetings. So last night Andy stayed with us and kept Shep up way past bedtime discussing why astronomy and physics and science and the bible are completely compatible. And Shep was elated and encouraged in his faith.

And I went to bed remembering that I gave my son to the Lord. And that the Lord is in charge of his destiny. And that the Lord knows the plans he has for Shepherd and knows exactly how he intends to accomplish them and is the author and perfecter of his faith and his sanctification, just like he told me 13 years ago when I felt him kick within me, just like he knew about 20 years ago when I first met Andy at Metro Bible Study in Houston.

And I'm so thankful for the encouragement that our sweet, sweet God sent to this momma's heart.

Ike's Ipad and my phone share the same brain. I'm sure I could fix this, but I kinda like it. He regularly changes the name Siri calls him.
Which can cause strange things to occur. Like, at church, in the middle of a poignant sermon by our pastor Tim, Siri will loudly comment, "I'm not sure I understand, Booby Face."
Stuff like that.
Ike's Ipad and my phone share the same brain. I'm sure I could fix this, but I kinda like it. He regularly changes the name Siri calls him.
Which can cause strange things to occur. Like, at church, in the middle of a poignant sermon by Tim Frickenschmidt, Siri will loudly comment, "I'm not sure I understand, Booby Face."
Stuff like that.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Eva: once I stole a bracelet from the lost & found at church, and you found it, and you made me bring it back and talk to the pastor about it. 
Me: and you never stole again, did you?
Eva: Nope. At least, not from church.

Sunday, January 31, 2016

(Bethie sneezes)
Bethie: Bless me.
Driving to school:

Eva: Hey Ike, how is your relationship going with Camryn? (Ike's 2nd grade crush.)

Ike: It's complicated.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016


I've started asking Shep to write mini essays regarding his various infractions...basically to give him an opportunity to reflect on "Why Not Coming Home For Dinner On Time Is Bogus".  Here's his response.   Like the smart ass line about how if he's not at dinner it's "ridiculously boring" and he is there to "lighten it up". 

Monday, December 14, 2015

Ike wanting to buy an app on his iPad: It's only .99  cents.
Me: Then give me a dollar, and I'll buy it for you.
He hands me one.
Me: Where'd you get this?
Ike: From your purse.

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Me: Where's the motna?

Bee: In your butt? (tries to lift up my bottom)
Recent Maggisms:
Has anyone ever died of puberty?

When discussing Tim Gunn:
Me: He actually tried to kill himself in high school.
Maggie: Why? Was he goth and depressed?

Monday, September 21, 2015

The note Maggie is receiving tonight, after losing three teeth in one week:

Dearest Maggie,

I am so very sorry for not retrieving your tooth (or should I say teeth!) sooner. I would’ve been here right away if it weren’t for the very fact that in Fairyland, everyone had been superbly busy lately. I believe it’s all the children around your age. Their teeth seem to fall out of their mouths like raindrops fall out of the sky! Because of this very unusual dilemma, the Fairy Queen has decreed that all fairies shall retrieve the teeth when at least three of them have already come out of the same child’s mouth, but as you can see that doesn’t help the issue much.

I must tell you some splendid news! I am to be married! Yes, Jack and I are very excited. I do believe that Jack is your dear brother Ike’s tooth fairy! He speaks very pleasantly of him, but he waits for him to lose more teeth.

Well anyway, Jack and I are to be married by December. I do not wish for it to happen in the winter months for in the winter we fairies have to wear protective coverings over our wings. I must say that is not very attractive – or comfortable – in my opinion. I will discuss with Jack whether or not we can arrange the celebration earlier, like maybe in November, or even perhaps October. Well, actually October wouldn’t be good. I won’t have enough time to plan…

I am so sorry! I got off track! I have a tremendous problem with that. To get back on schedule, I must say that I cannot write anymore. I have 156 other children tonight! I fear I will not be ready by morning. Ciao!


Calista Meriwether Flyingfeather VI

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Father's Day

I have decided I'm no longer doing Shep or Eva's laundry and this is the summer for them to learn how to do it themselves.
Eva finally did a load this week. Shep is on week 4.
'You're not gonna break me,' he swears.
Watch for UNBROKEN 2: THE STORY OF A PUTRID 11 YEAR OLD in theaters soon.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Walker was out, maggie couldn't sleep, so she crawled in bed with me as I watched The Family Stone, which is not appropriate. At one point we broke for the kitchen to get cheese. 'This cheese is good' I said. 'ALL cheese is good' she answered and we fistbumped.

I'm starting to see that the endless nights of vomit & teething & night terrors are redeemed when they turn about 9. It's still hard. Hormones loom on the horizon and they can make teething look like babyplay. But then there are the moments when your kid shares your love for stinky cheese and laughs at appropriate times in grownup movies and you go, oh yeah....this is why we had you. Cause you're so cool, and I so love hanging out with you, in bed, watching movies and eating cheese.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

'Ike, if you don't let your lizards go, I think they're going to die soon.'
'Yeah, but Jack & Nate and I decided that when they die we can, you know, learn more about 'em.'
Future surgeons or future psychopaths? Only time will tell...

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Me: "How did this beautiful Ethiopian girl end up here in my arms?"
Bee: "Jesus."